Today is a sad day indeed, it is the day we finally give up on finding those socks lost to the never-never land we all fear every time we do laundry. Of course, the sock may already be lost before we get to the laundry but without an APB we have no way of knowing that.

I’m pretty sure there are those socks that just run away, and can you blame them! Imagine hanging out with foot odor all day! Toe nail fungus, bunions, always being the heel of the joke… it has to be awful! I am told if you get up at just the right time and look out your window, you can see a bevy of socks running down the street, who knows where they are headed, how they will get there or what they will become… it’s all about the escape.

Then there are the sock thieves to contend with as well. Those semi-invisible creatures that come in the middle of the night and steal your socks right out of the hamper. The only thing I do not understand about them is, why don’t they take both socks!?! Maybe one is good enough for the fix they need but they could store them up like squirrels do nuts for winter.

And of course, there are those thieves that live among us in plain daylight. Here I can understand the theft of one sock. I mean, one sock is nearly as big as they are so it probably last for a long time. Next time you are missing a sock look in the bottom of your litter box… or on second thought, just let it go.

So take your remaining, useless sock out in the back yard and give it a proper burial. Naturally, it will come back and haunt you but you will have done the proper thing. After all, what good is one sock unless you save them for mismatched sock day.
How to celebrate – Give your socks names so you can call for them when one is missing. General waiting time for lost socks to return is two years. Don’t even wear socks, but buy odor eaters for your shoes.
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